ItalianAmerican: Jim Valvano

“To me, there are three things we all should do every day. We should do this every day of our lives. Number one is laugh. You should laugh every day. Number two is think. You should spend some time in thought. And number three is, you should have your emotions moved to tears, could be happiness or joy. But think about it. If you laugh, you think, and you cry, that’s a full day. That’s a heck of a day. You do that seven days a week, you’re going to have something special.”

“How do you go from where you are, to where you want to be? I think you have to have an enthusiasm for life. You have to have a dream, a goal, and you have to be willing to work for it.”

“My father gave me the greatest gift anyone could give another person…he believed in me.”

In the midst of the basketball frenzy that is March Madness, it’s a great time to reflect on the motivational genius that was Jim Valvano. He was very accomplished as a basketball coach, helping his team pull off one of the greatest upsets in college hoops history.

Two of the above quotes come from another pivotal moment in his life: His acceptance speech of the Arthur Ashe Courage and Humanitarian Award. It was an emotional speech that he gave to a riveted audience, even though he knew he was dying of cancer.

To be inspired by this monumental speech, see the entire transcript here.

It is remarkable that a man in his position, with the diagnosis that was given him, still maintained a positive attitude towards his career, sport, and life in general. Knowing about and listening to the Jim Valvanos’ of the world is a very humbling experience.

I will be occasionally posting a feature that will highlight quotes and anecdotes from famous and not so famous Italian Americans. ItalianAmerican will hopefully provide some inspiration and motivation, as well as a positive reflection of the immigrants that came to America, and their generations that follow.

Confidence – Pass It On

The greatest discovery of my generation is that a human being can alter his life by altering his attitudes. ~William James

My ten year old son presented me with a great opportunity the other day when his first little league practice of this spring season did not go according to plan. He didn’t think he played well, and was obviously not in the best mood with his perception of his lack of talent.

Trying to be a good father, I let him know that a) it’s only the first practice, and b) since it was the first one, we were just trying to “knock the rust off”.

But, I was having trouble convincing him. It was obvious this “bad practice” had an effect on his confidence, and it was anything but positive.

My goal at this point was to try to reinstill that confidence in him. To let him know that the more we worked on his game, the more repetition we practiced, the better it would get. And that is all it would take.

I wanted to leave no doubt in his mind that if we practiced the same fundamentals, over and over again, it would work.

In baseball, and in life, having confidence is paramount to any type of success. When my son faces a little league pitcher this year, that kid on the mound is going to throw hard. He will bring it. To deal with that, my boy will need a little bit of swagger.

If he doesn’t have any swagger at all, more than likely he will be walking back to the dugout, the victim of a high velocity strikeout.

I wrote in an earlier post how difficult it might be this year to get to the same level of success that I’ve had in previous years at my job in sales. I wrote that it will probably be a struggle. And if I keep thinking that way, there is no doubt I will be correct.

My work requires me to repeatedly try to contact potential clients. There is a ton of rejection. If I let the rejection get to me at all, I’m done. I might as well go home. And believe me, I’m not immune to that. I have had those days.

Days without confidence. Without swagger. Strike three!

Confidence in my ability to do my job is the single most important factor about the job. Without it, it just looks like I’m going through the motions. Which will not lead to success. Confidence usually comes to me from:

Being prepared
Consistent repetition of my most important activity (customer contact)
Being positive and keeping a sense of humor when things don’t go so well

So I know what works for me. And I do my best to make sure I follow through with what works every day. Does that mean I will know how to pass what I’ve learned on to my daughter and my son? I’m not sure. It’s difficult to know exactly what a ten year old might remember, or what evaporates from his mind just minutes later.

Right now, doing the right things, rinse, and repeat, is what is going to build that very important life factor of confidence in my kids. As their parents, my wife and I also have to make sure they can see that confidence on the horizon, especially when it’s nowhere to be found.

Hopefully Daddy can remember that lesson, as well, when he’s at work. Batter up!

35 Tips To Make It All Better

I’m not much for forwarded emails. But every once in a while, I’ll get a great quote of the day via email.

One I got recently was much more than a quote. It was a nicely done list that got me thinking about the aspects of my life that could use just a little work.

I’m not much for lists either. There are enough people with blogs doing list posts.

I post this not just to share, but to have a reference and a reminder for myself, to do the things I should do to improve my life, as it gets complicated. We all tend to forget some of the little details.

The little details are what create a bigger life than you can imagine. They are the “blocking and tackling” of our years, the very fundamentals we should always pay attention to. I’m no football coach, or life coach either. But, if I were, the list below could qualify to be included in a great halftime speech.

I’m not sure who the original author is, so I can’t give credit as of yet. I have changed and modified some of these “tips” so they would sound like they’re coming from me:

Drink plenty of water.
Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a pauper.
Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants.
Make time to pray.
Play more games.
Read more books than you did in 2009.
Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day.
Sleep for 7 hours. At least!
Exercise daily. If all you can do is walk, then do it.
Don’t compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
Don’t have negative thoughts about things you cannot control.
Don’t over do. Everything in moderation.
Don’t take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
Don’t waste your precious energy on gossip.
Dream more while you are awake.
Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
Forget issues and mistakes of the past. They have no bearing on your future.
Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
Make peace with your past so it won’t spoil the present.
No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum. They appear and fade away like algebra class, but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.
Smile and laugh more.
Call your family often.
Each day, give something good to others.
Forgive everyone for everything.
Spend time w/ people over the age of 70 & under the age of 6.
What other people think of you is none of your business.
Your job won’t take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and family will. Stay in touch.
Do the right thing!
Get rid of anything that isn’t useful, beautiful or joyful.
Know that God heals everything.
However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
The best is yet to come. Sinatra said so.
When you awake alive in the morning, thank God for it.

And, as a bonus point, something my grandmother always said:

Life is precious, so enjoy it!

The Making of a Legendary Life

When I think of legends, my mind automatically goes to quarterbacks, center fielders, and point guards.

Musicians, singers, actors, and directors.

We all think the same way to an extent. Fame equals accomplishment. Extreme accomplishment propels you into legend. The more of a legend you are, the more praise and accolades that you receive. The legend grows.

Babe Ruth is legendary. As is Michael Jordan. They will always be synonymous with their respective trades. Michaelangelo, DaVinci, and Einstein are the ultimate legends, unsurpassed in their works of genius.

But what about you? And me? What can we do to make life “legendary“?

I don’t think I could ever achieve legend status through work or trade. Although I may have thought I was a legend as a bartender in my family’s restaurant so many years ago, that was more or less just youthful exuberance. And a little bit of ego.

When I think legend nowadays, what comes to mind are people that have served or shaped others’ lives in an extraordinary, or even very ordinary, way.

“The quality of a person’s life is in direct proportion of their commitment to excellence, regardless of their chosen field of endeavor.” – Vince Lombardi

Guys like Babe Ruth or Michael Jordan aren’t legends purely because of their numbers, but because of the way they changed the game they played. Their influence on future generations of athletes is something that’s hard to calculate.

That’s what’s legendary about them. The shaping of lives and the future, and the changing of the game.

An athlete like Joe DiMaggio wasn’t held in such high esteem solely because of a 56 game hitting streak or his talent as a gifted defensive player. He was also a legend because he was a boy from a poor family who became an American star, and he had tremendous influence on generations of other Americans. Especially those of Italian descent.

His life was a model of success that even the most ordinary person could draw from. He inspired hope and possibility.

That’s why Einstein, Mother Teresa, Mandela, and John Paul II are the recognizable figures they are. They are and were game changers. With the ability and the drive to influence lives and help others to the best of their ability.

I love the idea of the athlete, and the fascination with their skills. But to compare your potential for greatness to someone with sometimes freakish ability isn’t being fair to yourself. You and I have much more potential to be like the aforementioned game changers.

All were committed to enhancing the lives of those who needed it most and they were unwavering in their commitment. It was 24/7 for them. They did everything in an extraordinary way.

How about the “legends” that live or lived an ordinary life? Those people are the ones we all know. You’ll see some great anecdotes about my grandparents in this blog. They shaped the lives of those around them every single day. When I go through the motions of my life, my actions and my thoughts and words are strongly influenced by my family.

That’s the secret (if there is a secret) to making the ordinary legendary. Always be looking to influence, motivate, educate, and uplift. Whether it be family, friends, or individuals you have yet to know, find out where and when you can make an impact.

In the words of a true legend:

A life is not important except in the impact it has on other lives.
– Jackie Robinson

Only In The Struggle

I make my living as a salesguy.

In my line of work, things are pretty cut and dried. You either do your job, or you don’t. You make your money, or you won’t. You don’t get a paycheck (of any decent size, anyway) unless there has been some substantial effort to obtain it. You want the money, you go after it.

There are goals to be met and achieved. If you are not making the company set goals, chances are you are not going to meet your financial goals.

Over the last couple of years, it has been a struggle for me to get to 100% of my sales goal. I have gotten there, often with a furious rally towards the end of the year to catch up. But its a struggle. Where some other people in my office make it look easy, I have to grind at it. For me, it is far from easy.

So now, it’s a new year. Selling territories have been slashed. New folks have been hired. What wasn’t even close to easy for me before, now just got measurably more difficult. It will be a struggle.

I have, in the past, at times struggled professionally. After I left my family’s restaurant, which was a life that seemed tailor made for me, I spent years trying to find my place, to not stumble, to find something I was good at…for the sake of making money.

I work a job now where I feel fairly successful. I provide for my family. We are able to afford a pretty nice life.

But the rules of the game have changed. And they always will. In my company, in the American employment landscape, change will be the only thing that stays consistent.

There are now decisions to make. It’s a new year, with a new plan, and we’re all at the bottom, looking up. Only this time, that mountain peak is much higher. Will I accept just the struggle? Or will I accept the challenge to overcome it?

I have found it easy to be frustrated (this week especially) because of what looks to be this upcoming financial challenge. But I have also found it easy to be very satisfied with the direction life is headed recently. And I don’t think that’s a coincidence.

I’m happy with the direction of my life partly because of the struggle, the challenges that we all face that make life rewarding: We can be satisfied simply by overcoming those challenges.

I appreciate my life as it is. Because I’m aware of, and appreciate where I’ve been. And where my family has been. And the daily struggles they had to overcome and the challenges they met head on, coming from Italy to America to make a life and fulfill a dream.

With that perspective, this salesguy (and husband, father, and friend) is also ready to meet it all head on, and accept the struggle.

“Life has meaning only in the struggle. Triumph or defeat is in the hands of the Gods. So let us celebrate the struggle!“