Saying “No” To Holiday Stress

Here it is. That time of year again.

The time where it seems everyone is stressed out about the big holiday. Christmas. Many of us are still searching for an appropriate gift for someone, or making last minute Christmas dinner or holiday party plans. A lot of people say they are stressed. My wife has said it. My co-workers have said it. I overhear strangers in the stores say it.

The pressure is on. They feel the stress of so much to do, coming down to the wire.

Why bother with all this stress? Stop. It’s not that hard, really. Your kids will not be disappointed if you stop. The adult who you absolutely have to buy that gift for will not be disappointed. If you stop the stress and remember the real reasons for this holiday, you will feel better about it.

This holiday is not about Target, WalMart, or Toys R Us, no matter how much you are persuaded to believe. It is not about the commercials and advertising bombarding you with the idea that this upcoming day will be perfect if you buy that one last present, or go overboard and put yourself into extreme levels of debt for the next year.

It is not about the gift of a Lexus with a big red bow on it (who does this anyway?).

It is about watching Rudolph again. It is about the excitement of your kids finding that one special present under the tree. It is about creating memories with your family and friends, and dropping some money into the Salvation Army kettle when you see one, to help those who might not have much of a Christmas at all.

Remember the birth of Jesus Christ? If memory serves me right, this is the original reason we celebrate this holiday.

It’s not necessary to get all religious on you here. But if we can reflect on why we hold this holiday in such reverence in the first place, it just might lower that stress level. You may be able to breathe a little easier. You might just think…”there’s no reason to be stressed at all, and plenty to celebrate.”

Especially in a year like this one. If you’re lucky enough where your only concern is what to buy your friends and family (and not how you’re going to pay for it) and if you’ll have enough time to do it, you’re doing just fine. No stress necessary.

So, relax, have some egg nog, and have a good time. That’s what the season is all about.

Buon Natale! (Otherwise known as “Merry Christmas”!)

Work Purpose – Passion or Paycheck?

God only knows, God makes his plan
The information’s unavailable to the mortal man
We’re workin’ our jobs, collect our pay
Believe we’re gliding down the highway, when in fact we’re slip sliding away

Crazy lyrics, aren’t they? When you’re working a job, and are part of the masses doing a 9 to 5 gig, the above can be a little…well, unsettling.

“Slip Sliding Away” is a Paul Simon song that was blaring from the speakers of the almost vintage Cadillac that I drive on the way to work the other day. The irony of the above lyric hit me like the cliched ton of bricks:

Is my life actually slip sliding away while I go to my cubicle each day and perform the duties of an employee?

And is that a reason to dislike, even hate, the circumstance?

I thought about it for awhile, and concluded that I’m stuck somewhere in the middle. Worker bee limbo. I neither dislike nor love the current situation as it pertains to work.

Not everyone hates their job. For some, the only emotion is indifference.

Maybe it’s a by-product of a lousy economy, but there just seems to be an avalanche of individuals these days that will no longer work for the man. They are running micro-businesses, working independently, and writing blog posts all about it. I must admit, at times I am jealous. They all seem to have it going in the right direction.

What’s an old school kinda guy to do? Well, this theory seems to work—

It’s perfectly fine to try and find some meaning within your day job, collect that check, and have a great passion outside of work.

Find something else to do, besides your job, that will stoke your fire. It doesn’t have to be related to work. Who wrote that rule anyway??

My grandmother worked day and night in her restaurant without necessarily “loving” everything that she did. My grandfather worked a shift in factories, and then went to the restaurant to help out after his day was done at the job. I doubt he was “passionate” about most aspects of his work. He would probably say he did it for the food, the clothing, and the roof.

My job fulfills income criteria as well. That’s all I really require of it.

The idea of a “dream job” can be a fallacy for many of us. I don’t have that one singular, all consuming passion for something that I could make my living at. I do, however, love aspects of my work in sales. I love the competition and the consistent striving to be better than I was yesterday.

My passion is reserved for my God, my family, my friends, ocean front vacations, and my baseball team. My work can just be my work.

Excuse me while I work my job, collect my pay, and yes, glide down that highway.

Negativity Sells. Why Do We Buy?

A well done blog article that I was made aware of recently detailed a subject that is sure to raise the ire of some Italian Americans, but I just thought it to be totally ridiculous: a guided tour of New York’s most famous mafia “landmarks”! An excerpt from the article reads:

An enterprising soul by the name of John Ciarcia is, dare I say it, “making you an offer you can’t refuse”: A bus tour of (New York City’s) most famous and beloved gangland sites.

Even though there are several Mafia walking-tour guides, Ciarcia offers the first mobile tour on this subject. “Everybody loves the mob,” he said, a restaurateur, radio host and actor (he had a bit part in “The Sopranos“). “We’d like to give them a taste of history in the mob.”

Starting next month, The New York City Mob Tour will guide you through the best in former Mafioso stomping grounds, watering holes and killing fields. Replete with newsreels and film clips describing the various points of interest, you and your own gang could marvel at what was really hot in New York in those fun-filled, captivating days of old.

Are there less tourist activities in the New York City area than I had imagined?

As to why something like this comes to fruition, it’s simple: Negativity sells, and everybody’s buying. As long as people perceive that the term “mafia” equals an exciting and affluent, albeit dangerous, lifestyle, we will continue to be interested.

No doubt, what looks like exploitation of a proud culture here will offend some people. That’s the idea. The more people it offends, the louder the buzz. And then it sells. Negativity sells. And we buy it.

I have Googled “famous Italian Americans” in the past and was always impressed by the sheer number of the thousands of influential people who have had a positive impact on this country.

I like to reference our sporting figures. Individuals like DiMaggio, Yogi Berra, Joe Montana, Vince Lombardi were huge.

And those are just some of the famous ones. There are millions of ordinary folks who did exactly the same thing.

My grandmother’s family came here from Sicily to escape the influence of organized crime. They left a comfortable life in their home country, came here with nothing, but still managed to build themselves a piece of the American dream. There will never be a bus tour for that, we know. But that is the true heritage of the Italian immigrants that came to this land.

I’ll make you “an offer you can’t refuse”. Or shouldn’t refuse. Focus on the positive aspects of your culture and heritage, whatever it may be, and ignore the rest.

I’m Not Anti-Materialism; But Why Don’t You Save The Economy?

Since this economy started tanking, there has been a sudden rush to a different lifestyle for some Americans. People are spending less money, trying to live a little less complicated, maybe re-setting some priorities. Saving money, as well.

I have to admit, seeing the mad scramble to a simple life makes me smile, at times even chuckle. This new breed of American consumer is now trying to adopt a life and financial style that I have been fortunate to observe most of my years: it was the normal way the majority of my older family members operated their entire lives.

I could just spotlight on my grandparents in this post. But it wasn’t just my Nonna and my Pop that lived the so-called frugal lifestyle. Nope, it was also their brothers, sisters, cousins, aunts, uncles, and friends. Every one of them, with maybe one or two exceptions, was financially responsible and focused on their relationships and experiences rather than material goods, while chasing the good life here in the USA.

Fellow blogger Vince Scordo published a wonderful article detailing how Italian American immigrants used methods other than material things to feel an element of wealth in their lives . Like his examples, many of my relatives and friends found their luxuries in the food they prepared, ate, and shared with others.

My grandparents always worked hard enough to afford themselves some of the finer things in life. But things like clothes, cars, gadgets, or dinners outside the home were never high on their priority list. They were more interested in their work, family, and their home. Oh yeah, and the food.

My family’s food was and is central to their existence. Always high quality, home made, and eaten with the people we loved. Some of my fondest memories of time spent with my grandmother (and more recently, my great aunt) were helping to prepare meals, eating them, having a glass of wine, and when I wasn’t helping, I was observing .

At the other end of the spectrum, I know people outside of my family circle that own big houses, multiple vehicles, have ample sums of money, and they eat fast food because of the illusion that it’s quick and cheap. That’s where they prefer to save their money. On the food they put into their bodies.

Can that possibly be the new definition of insanity?

As for myself, in this day and age, there are a lot more temptations to spend now than say, twenty years ago. Who hasn’t at one time or another, desired the high end Blackberry or a 50 inch LCD flat panel?

We all do. But things are not usually high on my priority list. Unless they are related to a kitchen remodel, but that’s for another post. I’ll take some grief occasionally for not having a cell phone, driving a Cadillac that can only be described as vintage, or for still enjoying a 27 inch television that we got for a wedding gift so long ago.

I simply don’t care about a lot of this stuff. I’m apathetic. I’d rather spend my time doing, and thinking about, other aspects of my life. The food is one of them. When my wife and I prepare a meal together, and then sit down to eat with our kids—I really believe I am partaking in one of life’s true luxuries.

These days, a lot of Americans seem to agree with this way of thinking. But will this new way of perceiving the lifestyle stay entrenched in our culture?

I don’t think so. When the economy is back in high gear, people will become less fearful—and go back to their credit card slingin’, high spending ways. And you go right ahead. Our economy is built on consumer spending, and it needs that spending to save it. So do your best.

But, I will leave it to you to save our economy. I will continue on my path, the same path I learned from my grandmother for so many years. Not the one that goes to the stores, the coffee shops, and the car dealers. This path leads into your home, your family, your friends, and your beliefs.

When I was younger, there was often a large party of people in my grandparents’ cellar helping my Nonna clean and cook bushels upon bushels of tomatoes for home canning purposes.

I didn’t know it then, but I now know that I was watching the good life in action. No accessories required.

Only In The Struggle

I make my living as a salesguy.

In my line of work, things are pretty cut and dried. You either do your job, or you don’t. You make your money, or you won’t. You don’t get a paycheck (of any decent size, anyway) unless there has been some substantial effort to obtain it. You want the money, you go after it.

There are goals to be met and achieved. If you are not making the company set goals, chances are you are not going to meet your financial goals.

Over the last couple of years, it has been a struggle for me to get to 100% of my sales goal. I have gotten there, often with a furious rally towards the end of the year to catch up. But its a struggle. Where some other people in my office make it look easy, I have to grind at it. For me, it is far from easy.

So now, it’s a new year. Selling territories have been slashed. New folks have been hired. What wasn’t even close to easy for me before, now just got measurably more difficult. It will be a struggle.

I have, in the past, at times struggled professionally. After I left my family’s restaurant, which was a life that seemed tailor made for me, I spent years trying to find my place, to not stumble, to find something I was good at…for the sake of making money.

I work a job now where I feel fairly successful. I provide for my family. We are able to afford a pretty nice life.

But the rules of the game have changed. And they always will. In my company, in the American employment landscape, change will be the only thing that stays consistent.

There are now decisions to make. It’s a new year, with a new plan, and we’re all at the bottom, looking up. Only this time, that mountain peak is much higher. Will I accept just the struggle? Or will I accept the challenge to overcome it?

I have found it easy to be frustrated (this week especially) because of what looks to be this upcoming financial challenge. But I have also found it easy to be very satisfied with the direction life is headed recently. And I don’t think that’s a coincidence.

I’m happy with the direction of my life partly because of the struggle, the challenges that we all face that make life rewarding: We can be satisfied simply by overcoming those challenges.

I appreciate my life as it is. Because I’m aware of, and appreciate where I’ve been. And where my family has been. And the daily struggles they had to overcome and the challenges they met head on, coming from Italy to America to make a life and fulfill a dream.

With that perspective, this salesguy (and husband, father, and friend) is also ready to meet it all head on, and accept the struggle.

“Life has meaning only in the struggle. Triumph or defeat is in the hands of the Gods. So let us celebrate the struggle!“