Whenever You’re Ready

My memory, such as it is, doesn’t function that well anymore. I’m sure the number 47 has something to do with it, but I’m not going to have age be the “be all, end all” excuse. Because of faulty memory, I tend to write things down now more than I did previously. And I should have written down, to commit to memory, a load of things that have happened in my past.

I’ve posted before about how one of my dream jobs when I was younger was to become a writer. I’ve routinely beat myself up in the past because I didn’t do more to advance that dream, to get the process in to flow so it may have had some opportunity for success.

But I don’t make a big deal of that anymore. The fact is, I was doing plenty of things to make my life exactly the way I wanted along the way. There was no room for writing, as I just had so much else going on, the majority being living my life and building a business within the walls of the family restaurant. I read a quote recently that pretty much hit home what was happening to me, and why:

“We do things when we are ready for them.”

Simple, precise, and to the point. And I agree with it 100%. With the exception of death and taxes, nobody really has to do anything that they don’t want to do. There are no rules or regulations, only the ones you impose on yourself.

You can do things, do anything, on your timetable.

I wasn’t taking on writing again until I was ready. I didn’t want to make room for it until I thought there was room to share. There wasn’t a voice that I had that I thought was worth giving to others. That’s over. I can go with that concept now.

So, you’ve wanted to do something for a long time. Or you want to try something new. How do you know if you’re ready?

1. Get confident. This one’s kind of a Catch 22. When you realize that your life is your own no matter what, your confidence spikes right then and there. The more you move your life in the direction that you choose, the higher the confidence level.

To get confident, do things have to be perfect?? No. As a matter of fact, make as many (non-fatal) mistakes as you can. Mistakes and failure are a learning tool. Things will look and sound better with more experience and more attempts. You just have to get it going. Remember, perfect is the enemy of the good.

I know for a fact that, where this blog is concerned, I will write some good stuff, and I will write some crap. But the crap is just as important as the better writing, because it’s still a tool that is sharpening my skill. And then the hopeful result in the end will be quality content, every time.

2. Schedule It. If necessary, put what you want to do on a schedule or a calendar. Or not. If you want to do something enough, you will just start, and then do it consistently over time. Really, do we need a reminder to do stuff we like?

3. Don’t worry about outcomes. Just take a step forward. And then another. If you take enough of them, the outcome will arrive soon enough. And if it doesn’t, you can always tweak your approach, and then take another step.

4. See the end in mind. Visualizing your life as it will be, not just as it is, is hugely important. True, the present is all we have, but I don’t want to see just my job, tonight’s dinner dishes, and tomorrow’s baseball practice.

I want to see new business opportunities, our upgraded kitchen, trip(s) to Italy, my kids growing in stature and confidence, a (pre-owned) Cadillac CTS as my preferred toy, and a whole bunch of blog readers. And that, for me, would be just a short list.

So see the future. Do things in the present to get there.

Whenever you’re ready…

ItalianAmerican: Joe Girardi

Just outside East Peoria, Ill., in a one-story brick building in a small town called Washington, there used to be a Italian restaurant on Wilmore Street where locals could count on reasonable prices and old-world cooking, and a warm personal greeting from the owners. The place was called Girardi’s.

“They served the best ravioli I’ve ever had in my life,” says Jane Miller, a longtime patron.

That was mother Angela Girardi, welcoming customers by the door, a hostess with a long, flowing dress and a background in psychology. That was father Jerry in the kitchen, a man who once harbored baseball dreams of his own, cooking the pasta and simmering the sauces.

And those were the five kids, including the future manager of the Yankees, busing tables, slinging dishes and mopping floors, all hands pitching in, most of them heading to high places. Though the restaurant has long since closed, Angela dying a quarter-century ago, Jerry moving into an assisted-living facility, his faculties stolen by Alzheimer’s, the steadfast, selfless tracks laid down by the parents remain in place.

Since we are well underway with this current baseball season, I thought it fitting that the subject of this installment of All My Heroes would be current New York Yankees manager Joe Girardi. Like Jim Valvano in the post before him, Joe Girardi is the product of an Italian American family that instilled in him the values and work ethic that propelled him to the top of his game.

The above text comes from a NY Daily News article by Wayne Coffey, written just after Girardi was named manager of the Yankees, to succeed long time manager Joe Torre. The article goes on to detail the story of a man who, although now a very public figure, was guided by parents who stressed upon him education, drive, and an unshakeable perseverance to be the very best at what he does.

Girardi’s critics more than likely think managing a line-up of all-star players to a World Series victory was not a difficult accomplishment. I beg to differ. Managing and organizing a team of what has to be super size egos through a 162 game gauntlet and to yet another world championship had to be anything but easy. And kudos to him for doing it.

Those wheels were set in motion long ago, however. Angela and Jerry Girardi, stressing the hard work, goal setting, and never-give-up attitude that it would take, started their son’s quest for perfection in pinstripes in his youth, within a small town Italian restaurant. Where they served one mean ravioli.

Hopefully, Yankee fans will enjoy the result of their labor for many years to come.

I will be occasionally posting a feature that will highlight quotes and anecdotes from famous and not so famous Italian Americans. ItalianAmerican will hopefully provide some inspiration and motivation, as well as a positive reflection of the immigrants that came to America, and their generations that follow.

ItalianAmerican: Jim Valvano

“To me, there are three things we all should do every day. We should do this every day of our lives. Number one is laugh. You should laugh every day. Number two is think. You should spend some time in thought. And number three is, you should have your emotions moved to tears, could be happiness or joy. But think about it. If you laugh, you think, and you cry, that’s a full day. That’s a heck of a day. You do that seven days a week, you’re going to have something special.”

“How do you go from where you are, to where you want to be? I think you have to have an enthusiasm for life. You have to have a dream, a goal, and you have to be willing to work for it.”

“My father gave me the greatest gift anyone could give another person…he believed in me.”

In the midst of the basketball frenzy that is March Madness, it’s a great time to reflect on the motivational genius that was Jim Valvano. He was very accomplished as a basketball coach, helping his team pull off one of the greatest upsets in college hoops history.

Two of the above quotes come from another pivotal moment in his life: His acceptance speech of the Arthur Ashe Courage and Humanitarian Award. It was an emotional speech that he gave to a riveted audience, even though he knew he was dying of cancer.

To be inspired by this monumental speech, see the entire transcript here.

It is remarkable that a man in his position, with the diagnosis that was given him, still maintained a positive attitude towards his career, sport, and life in general. Knowing about and listening to the Jim Valvanos’ of the world is a very humbling experience.

Confidence – Pass It On

The greatest discovery of my generation is that a human being can alter his life by altering his attitudes. ~William James

My ten year old son presented me with a great opportunity the other day when his first little league practice of this spring season did not go according to plan. He didn’t think he played well, and was obviously not in the best mood with his perception of his lack of talent.

Trying to be a good father, I let him know that a) it’s only the first practice, and b) since it was the first one, we were just trying to “knock the rust off”.

But, I was having trouble convincing him. It was obvious this “bad practice” had an effect on his confidence, and it was anything but positive.

My goal at this point was to try to reinstill that confidence in him. To let him know that the more we worked on his game, the more repetition we practiced, the better it would get. And that is all it would take.

I wanted to leave no doubt in his mind that if we practiced the same fundamentals, over and over again, it would work.

In baseball, and in life, having confidence is paramount to any type of success. When my son faces a little league pitcher this year, that kid on the mound is going to throw hard. He will bring it. To deal with that, my boy will need a little bit of swagger.

If he doesn’t have any swagger at all, more than likely he will be walking back to the dugout, the victim of a high velocity strikeout.

I wrote in an earlier post how difficult it might be this year to get to the same level of success that I’ve had in previous years at my job in sales. I wrote that it will probably be a struggle. And if I keep thinking that way, there is no doubt I will be correct.

My work requires me to repeatedly try to contact potential clients. There is a ton of rejection. If I let the rejection get to me at all, I’m done. I might as well go home. And believe me, I’m not immune to that. I have had those days.

Days without confidence. Without swagger. Strike three!

Confidence in my ability to do my job is the single most important factor about the job. Without it, it just looks like I’m going through the motions. Which will not lead to success. Confidence usually comes to me from:

Being prepared
Consistent repetition of my most important activity (customer contact)
Being positive and keeping a sense of humor when things don’t go so well

So I know what works for me. And I do my best to make sure I follow through with what works every day. Does that mean I will know how to pass what I’ve learned on to my daughter and my son? I’m not sure. It’s difficult to know exactly what a ten year old might remember, or what evaporates from his mind just minutes later.

Right now, doing the right things, rinse, and repeat, is what is going to build that very important life factor of confidence in my kids. As their parents, my wife and I also have to make sure they can see that confidence on the horizon, especially when it’s nowhere to be found.

Hopefully Daddy can remember that lesson, as well, when he’s at work. Batter up!

Negativity Sells. Why Do We Buy?

A well done blog article that I was made aware of recently detailed a subject that is sure to raise the ire of some Italian Americans, but I just thought it to be totally ridiculous: a guided tour of New York’s most famous mafia “landmarks”! An excerpt from the article reads:

An enterprising soul by the name of John Ciarcia is, dare I say it, “making you an offer you can’t refuse”: A bus tour of (New York City’s) most famous and beloved gangland sites.

Even though there are several Mafia walking-tour guides, Ciarcia offers the first mobile tour on this subject. “Everybody loves the mob,” he said, a restaurateur, radio host and actor (he had a bit part in “The Sopranos“). “We’d like to give them a taste of history in the mob.”

Starting next month, The New York City Mob Tour will guide you through the best in former Mafioso stomping grounds, watering holes and killing fields. Replete with newsreels and film clips describing the various points of interest, you and your own gang could marvel at what was really hot in New York in those fun-filled, captivating days of old.

Are there less tourist activities in the New York City area than I had imagined?

As to why something like this comes to fruition, it’s simple: Negativity sells, and everybody’s buying. As long as people perceive that the term “mafia” equals an exciting and affluent, albeit dangerous, lifestyle, we will continue to be interested.

No doubt, what looks like exploitation of a proud culture here will offend some people. That’s the idea. The more people it offends, the louder the buzz. And then it sells. Negativity sells. And we buy it.

I have Googled “famous Italian Americans” in the past and was always impressed by the sheer number of the thousands of influential people who have had a positive impact on this country.

I like to reference our sporting figures. Individuals like DiMaggio, Yogi Berra, Joe Montana, Vince Lombardi were huge.

And those are just some of the famous ones. There are millions of ordinary folks who did exactly the same thing.

My grandmother’s family came here from Sicily to escape the influence of organized crime. They left a comfortable life in their home country, came here with nothing, but still managed to build themselves a piece of the American dream. There will never be a bus tour for that, we know. But that is the true heritage of the Italian immigrants that came to this land.

I’ll make you “an offer you can’t refuse”. Or shouldn’t refuse. Focus on the positive aspects of your culture and heritage, whatever it may be, and ignore the rest.