Where Have You Gone, Joe DiMaggio?

“Where have you gone, Joe DiMaggio?
Our nation turns its lonely eyes to you.
What’s that you say, Mrs. Robinson?
Joltin’ Joe has left and gone away.”

More than a decade ago, Paul Simon explained that the above lyric from Mrs. Robinson was, in his words, “meant as a sincere tribute to (Joe) DiMaggio’s unpretentious heroic stature, in a time when popular culture magnifies and distorts how we perceive our heroes.”

DiMaggio was indeed in a class by himself for those who thought of him as a role model, or a “hero”. He was considered by many people as the greatest Italian American athlete ever. I would imagine, with his quiet demeanor and workmanlike approach, he was not at all comfortable with the label of hero.

How could the previous generations not think of DiMaggio in terms of the heroic? Growing up destitute and poor in San Francisco, he was the son of Italian immigrants, his father a fisherman who wanted Joe to follow in his footsteps. He instead became the greatest living baseball player of his era, an athlete so talented and complete he inspired Ernest Hemingway to write in The Old Man and The Sea to “have faith in the great DiMaggio”.

But, counting down to the end of this year, the image of a past hero like DiMaggio may be the absolute best we can do now. In this steroid and drug era of sports, we have seen every type of denial, from the silence of a Mark McGwire, the impassioned defiance of Raphael Palmiero or Roger Clemens, and the embarrassment of a Michael Phelps.

And now we have the most spectacular collapse of all: the Tiger Woods saga. His infidelities and “trangressions”, as he calls them, will probably not have any effect on his chase to become history’s most accomplished golfer, but have we seen the last of Tiger Woods, the role model?

An unfortunate after effect of Tiger’s problems is the fact that no longer should your kids look up to him, but he’s now not a decent model in the life of an adult, either.

Think about it. If you were in the pursuit of excellence in anything related to work or your personal life, didn’t Tiger look like a sterling example?

Golf champion, on his way to being bigger than his sport. The first billion dollar athlete. Beautiful wife, two young children, and a now legendary relationship with his father and how he inspired him with his love of golf.

He looked like a great example to me, and I can only feel extreme disappointment on how it has all unraveled. I would hope he can fix this, stage a comeback. But the damage has been done.

The lesson learned? The one that must always be re-learned, again and again.

Athletes and entertainers are not meant to be role models, period. They, for the most part, no longer deserve the accolades. Take that pedestal we’ve put them on, and tear it down. As far as creating the ideal image on how we should live our lives, they no longer have what it takes. If they ever had it in the first place. And really, isn’t the pressure to be a role model for so many,  a little too much?

Our models for life should be the ones closest to us: family members, friends, people that we know who have lived their ordinary lives to the best of their ability, or maybe have overcome an extreme circumstance. When we watch those closest to us, we take away the lessons we need to enjoy life. Today’s celebrity role model has almost no shot at that. After DiMaggio’s death in 1999, Paul Simon also said:

“In these days of…transgressions and apologies and prime-time interviews about private sexual matters, we grieve for Joe DiMaggio and mourn the loss of his grace and dignity, his fierce sense of privacy, his fidelity to the memory of his wife and the power of his silence.”

Looks like that quote could have been written last week. It also looks like that Tiger is now in seclusion, trying to figure out his next move. I think to get some great ideas on how to live his ideal life, he should hunker down with some biographies of sports legends like DiMaggio, Yogi Berra, Vince Lombardi, Joe Montana—hey Tiger, pay no mind to the fact that all of these names end in a vowel, it matters not. Although athletes should not be thought of as role models, they did it right anyway.

Just pay close attention to the way they did things during their careers, Tiger. We could all learn a thing or two.

Gratitude and Thanks

This is the time of year where its proper and stylish to be grateful at one moment or another for all of the good things in our life. We see it all over the media how individuals with their own stories to tell have added their take on the importance of gratitude, and the affect that it has on their lives. I especially love the news features where the focus of the story overcomes an illness against all odds, or others where people take it upon themselves to take the idea of charity in their lives to an entirely new level. It’s a great change of pace from what is the norm of negative news reporting.

To that I say, wonderful. But, what about the rest of the year? Can any other part of the calendar year have a vested interest in the concept of gratitude? Why are we just saving it for that special period between the end of November and the beginning of January?

I think your life takes on immediate improvement the moment you show gratitude, or think gratitude, all the time. Not just one month a year.

If you are healthy, you should show gratitude.

If you have family that loves you, you should be grateful.

Right now, if you have a job or own a business that supplies you with money because you work hard at it, you should, without question, be grateful.

And this is the right way to think throughout the entire year. Not just now. How about trying to think that way for the rest of your entire life? With very few exceptions, we all have many things to be grateful for within the span of our time here on earth. And those events/times from the past that I thought were just pretty good? They were very special…and I have gratitude that I was able to live them.

The things that were not so good? Eventually, they just become shadows. I give thanks for that also.

Yesterday, for the Thanksgiving holiday,  I had a great time with my family. We  talked, laughed, had too much fun, and ate like kings and queens. Before we ate , we gave thanks for everything in our lives that we have appreciation for. As we prayed, I once again considered how lucky I am to have everything that I do.

I realize that once a year gratitude is not enough. Can never be enough. To live the life that you want, you have to be consistent and count the many blessings, on a daily basis. Especially those times when you’re feeling a little grumpy, and being grateful is the last thing you want to be.

That’s the essence of life. The people, places and things that make you happy, and having awareness of them, all the time. Happy Thanksgiving!

How To Have The Focus Of A Closer

Your ability to focus may be the one primary factor in your ability to reach a goal, complete a project, or just flat out succeed. An athlete like Mariano Rivera  is an example of the possibilities of one’s talent to focus to bring a dream or dreams to fruition. Without an intense ability to focus, Rivera most likely would not have become one of baseball’s most dominant pitchers of this decade, and a marvel of post-season success that has enabled the New York Yankees to win multiple championships.

The more I read about Rivera—and research what he does and how he does it—I don’t think that the majority of us could display the tenacity, mental toughness, and physical endurance that someone like Rivera does to reach the pinnacle of his sport. While growing up in Panama, Rivera substituted a stick for a baseball bat, and played with ragged, damaged baseballs. Then, as he got older, his father put him to work in a very physical job in his fishing business for 12 hours a day. Yup, this type of upbringing and driven focus makes Rivera a member of the old school, so my apologies to the young and ambitious of the new school.

It’s not your fault, though. And there’s really not much you can do about it.

There are far too many distractions in this world now to achieve that extreme sense of focus. When Rivera was a younger man in his native Panama, I’m sure was not much time spent on cable television, internet, cell phones, or texting. These modern “conveniences” of today are not conducive at all to the job of focus. The distractions that Rivera deals with—the rigors of travel, injuries, the constant lure of partying in New York City nightclubs—are minimal in number for him, and prove to be no match for his single minded intensity. He wants to win, more than he wants almost anything else.

Focus for me? I’d like to think I could pay attention to the road when I’m driving, instead of looking to the side to see the turn of the autumn leaves, or that drawn out construction project on the main highway. I marvel at the fact some people can drive, talk, text, and eat a doughnut while applying makeup at the same time. I can be as distracted as anyone, and returning to any task after distraction is difficult, and time consuming. It is starting all over again.

There’s still hope, however. You or I may not be able to attain the focus of a champion pitcher, business tycoon, or an actor in their zone. But there are some things we can do to improve our lot in life, whether the goals are large or small:

Write It Down! A training regimen of a Rivera, or an action plan for your business, does you no good unless it’s on paper. The most successful people in any line of work can tell you that a large goal (winning a World Series game) is accomplished by taking steps and completing subgoals (running, exercising, throwing every day). Don’t leave those steps to your memory…write them down to get them done.

Visualize It! Once Rivera knew the impact his pitching prowess could have, he no doubt saw himself as a champion one day. The rest was just completing the steps to get him there. For those of us that aren’t pitchers, whether the goal is a six figure income, the trip of a lifetime, or an improvement on your home, you have to see it in your mind before it can become reality.

Avoid Excessive Media I think this is a big one. How could I write this post, or concentrate on anything, if the TV’s on, I’m net surfing, or someone’s showing me the latest app on their new phone? Every commercial and show that you watch is so quickly edited, I can barely stand it. No wonder kids exposed to too much TV can’t pay attention. I’m so happy I grew up in an era where the camera was focused for longer than one second!

Hold Yourself Accountable! And if that’s not enough, make others hold you accountable, too! Enlist a couple of friends if you have too. Rivera goes through the same stretching and warm up routine constantly—even when he’s not scheduled to pitch! He holds himself to a training standard that most athletes wouldn’t even touch, giving him a great advantage when he needs it most. You can also hold yourself to a higher standard in anything you do. I’d like to think that each blog post I publish will be to the best of my ability. And hopefully you, the reader, will hold me accountable!

Take Persistent Action! Here’s where Rivera really seperates himself from his peers. No other pitcher of this era has his tunnel vision, his unsurpassed will to win. Even with the bases loaded and a full count standing up against him, he keeps his cool, keeps throwing his best pitches, never waning in the attempt to impose his will on the batter in front of  him. Rivera avoided sure defeat in a couple of matches by continually pressing the action, always in constant motion, wearing his opponent down to record that final out.

You, or me, may never be able to focus like Mariano Rivera. But we can always take action, be a little more relentless, and make things happen.

Reflections On Coffee

Several nights a week, I go to my parents’ house to have coffee with my dad and my grandmother, who will turn 96 years young next month. At that advanced age, she is definitely not who she used to be. She can carry on a conversation with me only once in a great while, and at times it’s difficult to understand what she is saying. But that’s OK with me. We can still talk about the old days occasionally, and I can vividly remember a lot of things, the way they used to be. To me, it’s reflection. About how great that part of life was and how it can influence what’s to come.

My grandmother operated a restaurant for a good part of her life. Even when she wasn’t working, the preparation of food for her family was a central part of her day. Therefore,  she lived in her kitchen. And when I went to her house (which was often), that’s where I hung out. Not in the TV room, or living room. In the kitchen. At the kitchen table. To get my daily dose of  “Life is precious” (her favorite saying),  and to hear about which saint to pray to when you needed something found, or something done.

And to get the coffee.

There was always a pot of coffee brewing on the stove. No drip pot here, mind you. Always perking in a stainless steel espresso pot, ready to pour when it began to bubble over through the top of the pot. Even on ninety plus degree summer days when I had just finished the three hour task of mowing the vast lawn around my grandparents’ house, there was no offer of a glass of water….

Just a shout across the yard of  “Joey, you want some coffee??”

If the stove did not have coffee brewingcoffee pot on it, there was always a pot of simmering tomato sauce, or boiling spinach, or meatballs in a pan sizzling away in their bed of olive oil—and with it an indescribable scent of a garlic/meat combo wafting through the entire house. I often woke up on a Saturday morning to that aroma, and I can still smell it right now.

Reflection is power, the power of memory. I get a charge out of reflecting on what was in the past, and how it can spur me on to create new memories, with my friends and my family. And what’s more cool than remembering in such detail that you smell the smells and hear the sounds?

Regrets, I’ve Had A Few

Regrets, I’ve had a few; but then again too few to mention. I did what I had to do, and saw it through without exemption.

From “My Way”, a song written by Paul Anka made popular by Frank Sinatra

As far as Italian Americans in popular culture go, Frank Sinatra is an icon, a hero that generations of us have looked up to. He is almost a myth, with a life of such scope and accomplishment, it’s difficult for a regular guy like me to comprehend living as large as the Chairman of the Board.

Being a fan for a long time, I’ve got plenty of favorite Sinatra songs, and have always admired the lyrics of  My Way, especially the above lyric where Frank seemingly shuns any regret in his life. The song is one of reflection of a life well lived, a life lived with integrity in dealing with the highs and lows that everyone will experience. Little wonder why it was so popular, as it was (and is) a song capable of vast connection.

Regrets are something I never really thought of when I was younger. In my teens and twenties, I lived my life as I chose, without really looking back or thinking anything about that pang of regret that might be felt as you get older and more reflective.

A weblog author I admire, Leo Babauta, wrote a great article that made me think of the Sinatra lyric, and at the same time had me thinking of things that I might have done differently. The post, 20 Things I Wish I Had Known When Starting Out In Life, is a great read for Leo’s attitude toward these things he wished he knew, but also for the striking similiarities to things I look back on with a little…regret.

1. Being more proactive in my career choices. I worked in the family restaurant business for many years, with a countless number of 12 to 14 hour days, most of them without a thought of what I could do differently to improve myself or better provide for my family. Those long days took me away from my wife and baby daughter consistently, and at times I felt powerless to do anything about it. Later on down the road, I held a sales job in an extremely toxic work environment. I stayed there for three years, hoping things would change. I don’t like to complain, but I wouldn’t send my dog to work there. And I was stupid to stay. Eventually I got out, and learned that you always have the power to change anything, especially work related stuff. I wish I had learned that sooner.

2. Being grateful for what I have. Although I may have the “attitude of gratitude” now, it wasn’t always so. As a teen, I could be angry enough to cause someone a real problem, and as I got older, some nuisances of everyday life could light that spark of anger again. It took me a long time to realize that this issue was not going to get me places, so I make real efforts consistently to focus on all that is right with my life: beautiful wife, wonderful kids, great family and friends, a roof over my head, and plenty of food to eat. When I start to stray from that, my mind always drifts to people that are having real problems. And I thank God for what I have, and what I will be given.

3. Sticking with my dreams. When I was young I wanted to be an actor, a paleontology guy, a singer, a bass player, a comic strip artist, center fielder for the Yankees, and a writer. Can someone give me one damn good reason why I am not one of those now? Bartending was a great gig, but in the 2nd grade my goal in life was not to mix martinis. I wanted to play baseball! And as a salesguy, hey I get the bills paid, but seriously…is it anybody’s dream?

I’m 46 now. And I am going to chase the dream. Whatever it is. I will write, will post on this blog, I will begin writing that book. Although my dreams may not be the same as in my pre-teen years from this point on, I will run them down. I’m 46 now. I wish I started sooner.

4. Lost time with family and friends. I’ve lost more time with my family than I care to admit. My kids are growing up, and that time is racing by faster. I have friends, cousins, uncles and aunts that I wish I spent more time with, but now I can’t. They’re gone, and they’re not coming back. And that’s the worst regret. I will never be able to change that. But I can work on what I’ve still got. I’ll be having dinner with a couple of friends this week that I haven’t seen in over a year. I talked to one of my best friends on the phone today at length. And I saw a buddy last week for the first time in a while, someone that I’ve known for decades…at his father’s wake. I can’t turn back the clock on this one, but I can make it better by taking action and reaching out to family and friends on a more regular basis, spending time on the really important stuff.

5. Taking better care of my health. I have smoked extensively, drank more than I needed, and done my fair share of partying until the wee small hours. I ran with a restaurant crowd whose objective after the work was done was to go to other restaurants, nightclubs, and bars until they shut down. And let’s not get started on the food. I was overweight as a teen, but worked hard to lose the pounds, and still keep most of it off. But like many Americans, I take medication for high blood pressure and cholesterol, and I as I get older, the fact that I’m not getting in any better shape concerns me. And the workaholic lifestyle, with the added alcohol and nicotine, were no help. But I think I’m doing the right things. I work out a little more, I don’t usually smoke unless a cigar magically appears, and I try to eat a little healthier. As much as the Italian food diet will allow, anyway.

6. Keeping a journal. Putting my life on paper. Although there are many other things I could list here, I think I’ll stop at number six. With no regrets. I’ve made a few entries into a beautiful journal that my wife got me as a gift years ago, but never enough to tell even a sliver of my story. I imagine how many journal entries I would have amassed if I had started ten, twenty, thirty years ago. I know how it would have been read years later. With no regrets. It would be the story of a man whose life is playing out exactly as it should, with any mistakes or missteps leading to better and bigger things. A series of entries about an awesome life, about a really lucky guy who has everything he could want, and the blessing of good health to enjoy it all. I do wish I wrote a lot of it down. I’d be happy to read it, to live it all again, this bella vita.

Regrets. Frank had a few. I don’t think I have any.