Paul McCartney, First Dates, Faith in the Desert: the Intersection of Tradition, Love, and Hope

During a recent broadcast of the Saturday Night Live 50th anniversary special, former Beatles frontman Paul McCartney and his band performed an iconic Beatles medley to close the show.

The medley concludes with this lyric from “The End”:

In the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make

Love, as represented here, looks to not be just a romantic notion. It represents acts of love – whether toward neighbor, friends, and your fellow man.

McCartney has described this line as a philosophical reflection on reciprocity and love. It suggests that the amount of love and kindness you receive in life is directly proportional to the love and kindness you give.

In short, a poetic expression of emotional karma—what you put into the world, especially in terms of love, is what you ultimately get back.

McCartney has said that he wanted to leave listeners with something uplifting and meaningful, which he did without doubt.

Is this type of love in short supply, which is something we have been led to believe? Are the talking heads right? Will we, ultimately, experience nothing but division and hate?

Begin With Your Roots

Love begins with a base. In my opinion, that base begins early with an immersion into traditions, and the continued practice of those traditions.

As many of you know, my traditional bent runs deep into Italian American culture.

As my wife and I sat at our dining room table, eating the last of the meatballs made over a recent weekend, she presented a theory that I would have thought, in the past, sacrilegious.

The dish we had, prepared in our kitchen, just didn’t compare with the ones our beloved Nonna had made.

They may have surpassed them in texture and taste.

Like I said, absolutely sacrilegious.

There’s only one way that could have happened.

A rapt attention to, and practice of, the traditional way of life that I was raised with.

You could say that encouraging a traditional, or old-school, way of thinking has been hyper politicized recently.

As if those of us that appreciate ways of traditional thinking or lifestyle are closed minded to new ideas or concepts.

I would disagree.

Traditions are enhanced via experimentation. The aforementioned food on my plate, while drawn from my grandmother’s decades of experience in the kitchen, was not strictly her recipe.

We (my wife and I) dared to experiment.

Would my Nonna – who I admired almost more than anyone – would she have approved of this experimental bent?

Since it was a labor of love, I think yes.

A New Beginning

Well over 30 years ago, my wife and I sat across from each other at a romantic table at a new restaurant called LoPorto’s.

The table was close to a dimly lit bar area, but elevated to another level looking over that small space. She was not yet even my girlfriend. It was our first date.

I don’t remember what we ate that night, but I do recall the restaurant was without a beer and wine license. No matter. The owner, Michael, was good enough to give us glasses of his own homemade wine, pouring us a robust red to go with our traditional Italian meal.

It was then my wife began her immersion into the traditions of my world. One that would lead her to the kitchens of my grandmother and godmother, into the recipes of love that were a staple of my upbringing.

She did so until just before the end of their earthly lives, when they could no longer cook or teach. But the lessons had been passed.

The girl who sat across from me in LoPorto’s was now the woman who embodied the spirit and love of tradition of two old Sicilians. Traditions that were flickering embers that now burn bright in our little kitchen.

The Ultimate Act of Hope

Earlier this spring, Roman Catholic faithful around the world observed the period of Lent, leading up to Easter Sunday.

The origins of Lent detail a wandering Jesus in the desert, spending 40 days there while fighting off temptation and His demons.

That 40 day journey of Jesus can be seen as the ultimate act of hope – a powerful testament to trust, otherworldly endurance, and purpose.

Without support or comfort, Jesus enters the desert alone. This solitude is not one of despair, but a hopeful retreat. He has to endure fasting, struggling against temptation, waging war against Satan himself.

The desert symbolizes a crucible where His hope is refined. Jesus emerges not broken, but empowered – and prepared for His mission.

The desert experience is not just personal – He walked through the heat and sand for all of us. In McCartney’s concept, taking no love but giving all.

With love, tradition, and hope, we are shown that even in our own deserts – our trials, doubts, and temptations – there is a way through.

In the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make.

Thanks to McCartney, a timeless maxim to live by.

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8 Happiness Rules (That You Can Use) From My Italian Grandmother

“Don’t worry. Be happy.”

In case you lived under a rock during the late 80’s, the song by that name became the first a cappella tune to reach number one status on the old school Hot 100 chart in this country. Performed by artist Bobby McFerrin, it flooded American airwaves, and by chance, the old transistor radio in my grandmother’s kitchen.

To say that she liked the song would be an understatement, singing along with every opportunity when it played, and often repeating the mantra when it didn’t. Don’t worry. Be happy.

Even before the song became a common listen, she seemed to have it as a life rule that she followed without question. “Nonna” didn’t discover the concept of being happy first (before looking for stuff to make you happy), but no one exemplified this rule more than my grandmother.

In a life lived as an immigrant where “Don’t worry, be happy” was a creed, she taught us many examples of how to get it done ourselves:

“Everything you need to be happy is within you today, right now” – Mark Manson

Create the life you want with hard work – It’s pretty official: from conversations, both online and off, that I’ve had or overheard with other Italian Americans, the consensus is in – we can all learn from the unreal work ethic of the generation(s) before us.

Truth be told, I’m a touch embarrassed by the way I work these days in my little office cubicle – it’s nothing like the schedules from the past, where I would put in a punishing number of hours just to keep up with my parents, or my grandparents.

I’m still astonished by the hours they kept, to provide for themselves and their family. They worked. They didn’t need to be entertained. And they would make many sacrifices of their own time to help those who needed it.

The present moment? It’s all that you’ve got – One of her favorite quotes was, “It’s later than you think.” I’d like to think it was her way of saying the future is coming, but it’s length and quality is an unknown. The past is nice to visit, but don’t dwell on it. This is a talent that seems to be lost in our modern days, as we all make our big plans in the coming months, or years – rather than focus on being happy right now, in the present moment. Is there really any guarantee of the future?

As I’ve heard many times in my past, “It’s later than you think.”

“Yesterday is gone. Tomorrow has not yet come. We have only today. Let us begin.” – St. Mother Teresa of Calcutta

Be relentless – The default option for most people is to sit back, waiting for life to happen to them. Instead of learning and improving themselves, they keep plodding along, wondering why things never change.

I’ve written here before about my grandfather’s relentless nature, comparing him to the champion boxer who always moved forward with constant action, throwing punches, never relenting – always on the offense.

He, and his wife of 66 years, were an inspiration on this front. They consistently pursued, over decades, what they wanted – success and inclusion for their family in this new country, their new home.

They captured a true secret of happiness, or purpose: know what you want, and never cease in your journey to achieve it.

Create meaningful, memorable moments – A particular trait in the Italian American household is creating traditions from what other folks may consider mundane – taking every day moments and making them unforgettable.

My grandmother was a master of taking a pedestrian (for her) chore of making meatballs and turning it into an event to be remembered years later. The eating of the food she cooked made the moments even more transcendent: and it’s not just me – other family members, old and younger, can recall vivid details of visits in the kitchen, and the setting of a Sunday dinner table.

The little family picnics, cups of coffee at the table, the unexpected “drop in” (everybody loved the drop in back then) of a family member or close friend – they were all memorable moments made so by the enthusiasm for life that I was brought up with.

Don’t try to keep up with the Joneses – Jealousy and envy are incompatible with happiness, so if you’re constantly comparing yourself with others, it’s time to stop.

Everyone’s experience is different. What looks to be all shiny and bright to the outside world could have been riddled with bumps, bruises, and obstacles along the way. No matter what type of success you see or perceive, you can be sure of that.

The immigrants from my past rarely spoke in envious tones. If they were jealous of someone else’s possessions, it was probably the fact that the other party had more food (or god forbid, better food) in a celebratory spread. Or perhaps, nicer linens on a dinner table.

My grandmother would make 90 to 100 meatballs at a clip, just to make sure she wasn’t outdone by a friend or neighbor.

They were hard working people who had little time to concern themselves with what others had – even if they were at all interested. My grandmother thrived on living a simple life, with few extravagances but many relationships to keep cultivating. Her one luxury was a fur coat she would proudly wear to Sunday Mass during the chillier weather.

We’d all be a little happier if we avoided the comparison trap. It’s one of the most important lessons that I’ve been taught.

“Comparison is the death of joy.” – Mark Twain

Stay positive in a negative world – I really don’t know how they did it. Their lives were physically challenging and, at times, emotionally apocalyptic with deaths of family members well before their time.

I rarely saw my grandmother in a sad, melancholy mood. Especially in the kitchen. Smiling, singing, dancing, stirring, tending the oven – she seemed to be uplifted all of time. I have no doubt her faith in God was part of this.

If you had negativity or troubles in your life – well, that steaming cup of coffee and a table side chat when you visited would soon be the focus, and the remedy.

Don’t get distracted – I recently attended the funeral service of the mother of a dear friend of mine. While giving a eulogy at her graveside, my friend implored those standing in the cemetery to be more connected – but in a more human, dare I say old fashioned, way of ditching constant social media and showing up with a phone call or visit.

Look, we’re all guilty of the zombie-like obsession with our phones and devices – myself included. And I think the social is a fantastic way to communicate and keep up with family and friends (as long as you refrain from diving into the deep end of negativity).

My trick is to supplement that, getting a kick out of sneaking in a phone call or text in addition to Facebook comments. It’s way more fun to talk to Uncle Tony or cousin Frankie than it is to just click the “like” button. We all need more of that – again, myself included.

Get yourself out there, and socialize –

My grandmother knew the secret – if she was happy (or at least acted happy), everyone around her couldn’t but help to be happy as well. Her attitude was infectious.

She was the life of the party wherever she went, loving to socialize whenever she had the time. You have to remember, her work schedule, whether for family or her restaurants, didn’t allow for much leisure time – but when she had it, made good use of it.

The impromptu party or picnic was frequently on her radar – and her grandson has picked up on this as well.

I wasn’t what you would call “super sociable” by any stretch back in the day, being just as comfortable with alone time as I was hanging with friends.

This was solved by getting married to the (perfect) woman I’ve nicknamed Suzie Satellite for her uncanny ability to throw the perfect party or turn complete strangers into friends within the hour. Now it’s rubbed off on me, as I’m more likely to approach new faces as easily as lurking around the outskirts of a room, just observing.

You need time with me? You’ll have to talk to Suzie – otherwise known as my cruise director or booking agent.

Don’t Worry – Be Happy

In the end, one little Sicilian immigrant knew the secret to be, and be happy: to believe that everything works itself out. To not take yourself (or others) so seriously. To know how to laugh, situation appropriate or not. To avoid really negative chatter, and to lighten up the world and those around you at every opportunity. And to have faith that you have a special offering, regardless of the inner voices or outside forces.

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Giving All For God And Country

It would be hard not to feel a lump in your throat hearing the grim details of the soldiers that included members of Navy Seal Team 6 killed over the weekend when the helicopter they were being transported in was shot down over a terrorist stronghold in Afghanistan.

(There were also soldiers on that helicopter who were not Navy Seals. Here’s a riveting post about one of them.)

Notable was the story of Aaron Vaughn, husband, father of two, and staunch defender of our country’s freedom as a SEAL.

As I watched the interview with his widow and parents, I learned he epitomized “old school” principles that you hardly ever hear much about in the media, unless an event like this occurs.

Love of God

His father related that Aaron was a person of deep faith, who let that faith guide him to the convictions that he believed in. His father said “He believed…. that he was obliged as a Christian believer to fight fundamental Islamic terrorists around this world because he believed it was a threat to his children and to his wife and to all of our western civilization way of life.”

In an age where some individuals try to take the word “God” out of everything, hearing about this man’s beliefs was a refreshing change.

Love of Country

September 11 was a turning point for Aaron in his desire to become a Navy SEAL, according to his dad. He put his country first simply by making the decision to become a elite member of American special forces, and put his life on the line every day to protect our way of life.

At a time when patriotism is void from our minds, or at best a part time pursuit, men like Aaron prove to be the ultimate patriots.

Love of Family

Vaughn loved his duties as a Navy SEAL. I’m sure the job of being a dad was something he gave his all to as well. Those of us that are with our families on a very regular basis no doubt take that time for granted.

Vaughn was away from his family for hundreds of days at a time. Being a father of two very young children, he had little opportunity to see them grow and took full advantage of the limited time he had with them. He was with his newborn daughter only briefly before returning to combat.

These details make concrete the fact not only are these members of our American military the ultimate fighters, but also ultimate believers: God, country, family. Truly old school stuff we need more of.

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